but god demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, christ died for us. romans5:8
this is love for god: to obey his commands. and his commands are not burdensome. 1john5:3
death and destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of man. proverbs27:20

god's love is the truest and greatest of all. even if i lose my faith or murder someone today, his love won't change. this is the truth and since it is unconditional, it can easily be abused. and abuse it i did.
i thought to myself, i can do as i please because if i repent after i'm done yielding to temptations, he will forgive me anyway. i knew it was awful but i didn't mind which makes it all the more awful.
interestingly, while i was busy failing god, it became more difficult to communicate with him and i started condemning myself which brought me farther away from him.
today in church, i was reminded that life is supposed to be all about the lord and constant pursuit for him with all my heart - not the lust of my eyes, or the lust of my flesh, or my pride.
sadly, it is love for the lord that i lack.
the worst i can do is abuse the lord's love, mercy, and goodness; for what then is the use of jesus' death on the cross?