i just finished reading 'the catcher in the rye' for the second time. the first time was 4 years ago. it is clearer to me now. nina (a good friend) was right when she told me to read books over and over with adequate intervals between every read because people change. we change. how we react to something will be different from how we'll react to the same thing in the future. what's important to us now may no longer be important to us years from now.

although i still don't get why he wants to be a catcher of kids going over the edge of a cliff in a field of rye. i think someone told me it's because he actually is a kid who wants to be saved from falling off the cliff. it's reasonable but i don't know. i don't think he wants to be saved. i'd like it if someone told me why.

after reading the book, i didn't get depressed or anything. i heard it's a catalyst for people with suicidal tendencies to finally end their lives or something like that. again, i can't figure that out. holden, to me, was a regular kid who hates and who doesn't give a "good goddam" to anything. i wouldn't say that's normal but i feel that way sometimes. i'd say it's alright. ok.. maybe he isn't that regular a kid. but who knows how kids are today.

anyway, what i thought after closing the book was, it's better to be hating than to be a hypocrite. holden, the protagonist of the book, was just a kid and i figured, when he grows older, he'd learn to mellow down the habit of hating. but hypocrites will always be hypocrites because it's harder to kill the hypocrite in you. downright phonies always need to be a phony.

then i realized, honesty is much more important than anything in the world. i would right away choose an honest loser over someone who is real famous but phony anytime. be honest and you'll know you have lived however awry your life is.